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Radio 4 on this morning when I get up. OS (Old Sponger) is making grunting noises in the Parasite Flat. I crawl into the kitchen and make coffee whilst hiding in the cupboard so the old bat can't hear me. Once again I have been unable to sleep, and wonder if giving up the booze was worth it?. It wasn't really a problem, just a few bottles of Stella and a litre or so of red each evening just to help me nod off. But I don't really need the booze anymore, as proven by the fact that I mention in every post I write that I don't really need it anymore, so you can tell that I don't need it anymore, and in fact don't even think about it anymore, even when I have a drink just to prove that I don't need it anymore. D'you hear me? I don't really need it or think about it anymore! Anyway, some good news in the inbox this morning: an important client in the Outer Hebrides has signed me up for a morning's work (all expenses paid, naturally). They want me to explain my leadership vision as set out in my award-winning book "How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying But With A Lot Of Consultants". Bloggers can get a sneak preview of the key points this Thursday morning on BBC Radio Humber's "Business Bluster" show between 4.23 and 4.24am. My morning omelette consumed (feta cheese and mushroom with a splash of cream), I foolishly imagine I'm safe from interruptions, but OS oofs into the kitchen before I can dive to safety. "Good morning," she says. Is the woman trying to drive me mad? (Well yes, she is. When she was 'out shopping' yesterday I went into the Parasite Flat to I wish I could call Social Services, or throw her out of my house, or exert my rights in any way whatsoever, but for all sorts of reasons - most of them no doubt involving the Family Law Association and the Wimmins Rites movement - I will never explain why I cannot.
Shutupman
illegally look through her post check for dirty dishes. I found - of course! - a copy of "Institutionalising Your Grown Son For Dummies" sitting on the table, as well as a fully-filled-out subscription form for You Can't Take It With You monthly.) Her destruction of my beautiful Parasite Flat continues apace - as you can see in this photo of her kitchen, the OS is not one for using a mop:
29.12.05 08:49
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(12.1.06 16:12) This blog is so bitchy. Love it. |
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(13.1.06 09:23) You really do manage to hit the spot. |
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(13.1.06 09:29) A splash of cream, eh? It's debonair, but it might just work. Unfortunately I've just spunked both my sweeties on a similar effort, so I've none left for this one. |
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(13.1.06 09:42) Excellent. And I didn't know you were over here as well .... (bugger - can't find the link to the other site I think might be another manifestation of your good self) |
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(23.1.06 15:49) go see www.20six.co.uk/wranglingwrinklies |
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(21.2.06 19:27) Who was this a piss-take of? |
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(4.3.06 21:23) OMG! I know whose blog you're writing about! How do you do it? You can capture the very essence of a blog's thematics and run with it! Lol .. glad to see you back. |
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(4.3.06 22:36) WhoWhoWho?! |
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(5.3.06 16:25) oands, follow the link pft has given above. |
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